11 July 2006

I have a dream

So here it is. I'm on my way to work, and my mom calls me, telling me that I need to stop by her place before I go in to the office, because Jesus has dropped by for a visit, and it would be nice if I said hello. I'm a little ticked off, because I'm going to be late for work, but what the hell. When you get a chance to rub elbows with a celebrity, even one who would willingly agree to appear in a Mel Gibson film, you have to jump at it.

I get to mom's place, and there, seated at the dining room table among a bunch of friends and family members, is the Big Guy. I notice that everybody's eating, but while most folks are eating sandwiches and other "lunch time" stuff, Jesus has a plate piled high with donuts.

(I want to break from the Freudian trainwreck for a moment and point out that this is NOT one of those "I'm in command here" dreams -- instead, this is one where I'm just a passenger, watching what I do instead of consciously choosing it. Think Being John Malkovich, but without Charlie Sheen.)

I say my hellos, and notice that Jesus is a bit perturbed -- it's clear that He just wants to have some breakfast, but everybody keeps pestering Him with questions of ultimate concern. "What is the nature of the universe?" "What should we do with our lives?" "Are we doing church the right way?"

I go over to the kitchen and start putting donuts on MY plate too; as I do this I say "I have a question, Jesus." This is how I know it's a dream, by the way, because after I say this everyone gets quiet and demonstrates a modicum of interest in what I have to say. "Jelly or Creme Filled?"

Jesus makes a face as though I've asked him if the Pope wears a funny hat, and says "Creme filled." I hear myself say "then you ARE my Lord and Savior."

So what the hell does that mean?

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