Check Yourself Before You Wreck Your Coworkers

Not everyone was meant to wear capri pants. Just putting it out there.

Stickin' it to the Man

So today on the way out of the building I was busted by the corporate pseudo-cops.

My crime: Not prominently displaying my security badge.
The punishment: Having my name ceremoniously written on a clipboard, and being forced to listen to a speech delivered by a fat guy in polyester slacks. Fortunately, I did not have to do detention. This time.

Evidently, there are crooks so interested in what sodas are available in the break room that they can use their ninja-like cunning to circumvent our Byzantine security system, but who do not have access to Photoshop.

My instrument of vengeance: A red Sharpie. I'll be wearing my badge tomorrow, but now my picture has evil eyes. Oh yes, life on the other side of the law is sweet.

Titles of Spam Currently in my Inbox that would make Superb Band Names

-bookworm dyke
-scissors scruffy
-fruity trap door
-inevitability pup
-insult nuptials
-distrustful

An Open Letter to the Lady in the Cubicle across from Mine

Okay, this is hard for both of us, but certain things just have to be dealt with. I think we'll all feel better if we can just get through this.

The toe ring is really pretty creepy. You're almost fifty years old, and you're not fooling anybody. Please stop it before I'm forced to contact Doctor Scholl.

Thanks,
A Friend